Saturday – starting things off right 

I promised my therapist yesterday that every day I would start the day off right.  Turns out I’m waking up with adrenal fatigue because I’m having such bad nightmares that I’m waking up shaking and exhausted and am in “fight or flight” mode all night.  

Getting a good night’s sleep sounds simple doesn’t it? And all this time I’ve been thinking I’m an excellent sleeper!! I can fall asleep pretty much any time, anywhere, a bit like a cat; any table, any chair.  However, I sleep so much because the quality of sleep I get it so bad! 

The other day I woke up shaking. I’d had trouble falling asleep because of restless leg; another physical side effect from withdrawal which is absolutely awful! Doesn’t sound that bad, my my word, it’s awful! It is so frustrating!!

Anyway, I’d woken up tired, and felt really down. I slowly got out of bed, felt miserable and anxious and panicky and just down right awful. I didn’t know how to pull myself out of it; I had had another bad dream that lingered with me all morning, then I went to therapy. 

We talked again about life and where my anxiety stems from; how I still feel so much shame and guilt for who I was in my 20’s and how to start having better days. 

I vowed to start that day.

Last night instead of going to bed and watching something on my iPad with husband, or scrolling through Instagram until my eyes hurt, I turned the TV off. I did a bedtime yoga sequence, had a large glass of water and went up to bed. I turned my phone off, didn’t even look at it and slept so well. 

I woke naturally this morning feeling so much better. I did a vinyasa flow yoga for 40 minutes, sat in the sunshine, had a healthy breakfast and made plans to go to Katherine’s for the day. 

It’s pretty hot today so I battled with myself deciding what to wear around my huge frame at the moment, and I cried. I know I shouldn’t care, and that it’s the medication making me fat and unable to lose the weight but on hot days I just really struggle to be comfortable mentally and physically if I have to see people.

I managed to get myself out of house and had a nice drive over to Katherine’s and the moment I saw her I was fulfilled again. This girl makes me so happy. We talked about her adventures in Ibiza over the past 5 weeks and how she was truly happy. Happy with nothing, whilst having everything at the same time. No possessions, no care of what to wear, plenty of scenery to keep herself occupied exploring new beaches and meeting new likeminded people. That’s what self care is all about. 

We re-created ibiza in the garden, and we’ve been sat getting her garden seating area complete for hangs in the sunshine. K gave me some salt lamps too which are meant to cleanse the energy in any room and help the quality of sleep, so looking forward to those!

I’ve eaten watermelon and listened to great music and relaxed in the grass and just felt content.

And it started with a good nights sleep. 



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